Texting troubles

Dear JimmyDo,

I have a teen that is texting all the time. In fact she interrupts our conversations to send a text back and I feel ignored. I don't know how to create and send a text. Is there any way to verbally communicate with my daughter or have our vocal relational days come to an end?

COL (Crying out loud)

Dear COL,

You have raised a dilemma for all parents. Texting mania has taken hold of your teenagers and there seems no end in sight! JimmyDo says "If you can't beat them, join them!"

Your texting skills are lacking but acronyms are not only for cell phones. I recommend that you get what we will call a "texting" pad. This is a pad of paper, yellow, legal, stenograph pad; it doesn't matter. Get a nice black marker, one that will show up from across the room. That should do it.

Get ready to text back! When your child isn't listening, because her thumbs are blistering the cell phone key pad, simply write your own text message. It is easy and JimmyDo will show you how!

Here are some acronyms that your child is most likely texting: LOL=Laugh out loud. OMG=Oh my god! THX=Thanks. There are many more. You may want to do some research, but better yet, make up your own text messages.

Here are some ideas for you to get started. TOTTP=Take out the trash, please. BPITW= best parent in the world. SSBYG=so sorry but your grounded. HUNOICYCPS=Hang up now or I cancel your cell phone service!

There is no end to the acronyms you can make up. Your daughter will laugh WITH you as you both relate at a more cellular level. She may start laughing AT you, until you make up acronyms about what she is going to lose if she doesn't comply. Then she will be desperate to understand.

Tipped off!

Dear JimmyDo

Should I feel cheap because I don’t tip at Starbuck’s or Caribou when I’ve just paid nearly $4.00 for my coffee?

Tipped Off!

Dear Tipped Off,

I've seen those "tip" jars as well. They have the word "tip" written somewhere around the cup. And there is all this money in them! It seems to me that when people put money in the jar they are saying, "Damn! I have too much left!"

Back to the question about being cheap. JimmyDo asks you...where is it written that when you see the word "tip" it ALWAYS refers to money? The dictionary has several definitions for the word "tip" Also, when you see the word "tip", you must determine if it is meant to be a noun or a verb.

If it is a noun, there are two possible definitions. First, it could be "a sum of money given to someone as a reward for their services". The other definition for a noun is a "small but useful piece of practical advice." If this is what is meant by the word "tip", JimmyDo tips ALL the time. In fact JimmyDo is giving YOU a tip right now

If you decide that it is a noun, and you do not want to give money, gesture to the employee to lean across the counter and whisper in their ear something that is amiss about their appearance. You may say "you may want to get your hair cut so I can see your eyes", or "your piercing is infected", or "you may want to wear a top that didn't show your bra strap". These helpful tips will make for improved employee appearance and JimmyDo believes that they will appreciate the insight.

If you don't feel comfortable verbally giving them a tip, JimmyDo recommends saving the fortunes from fortune cookies when you eat Chinese food. If others don't value their fortunes, collect them as well. That way you will have plenty of "tips" when you get your very overpriced coffee. When the coffee shop employees count the money at the end of the shift, what a treat it will be for them to find fortunes that you lovingly dropped in the jar. If you feel like you want to give them just a little bit more, write the words "in bed" at the end of each fortune you submit. That will give them a chuckle.

If you decide that the word is actually meant to be a verb, which means to "overbalance or cause to overbalance as to fall or to turn over", you may decide that the word "tip" is actually a request to play a game with them. "Tip" the cup over and watch them scramble to pick up the money. And who doesn't like to play a game!

So you don't have to feel cheap! Improved social relationships at the coffee house are just a "tip" away!

JimmyDo

Devil's in the delectables

Dear Jimmy-do,

During the holidays I ate my fill of "deviled eggs", "deviled ham", "devil's food cake", and "deviled crab". Holy hell! How can I protect myself, and what should I do if I eat these foul foods?

Sincerely,
Possessed by my appetite!

Dear Possessed,

You can tell immediately if a food is deviled by the sulfur and brimstone aftertaste. If you discern these tastes, it may be a good idea to stop eating, because that smell is only going to get worse after a day or two in the belly. Oofdah! JimmyDo's eyes are watering just thinking about it.

It is important that if you plan on eating "deviled" food, you should hire yourself a certified food exorcist. A properly trained food exorcist can perform the necessary ritual to excise the "devil" from the food. You must be prepared to share your food, because the exorcist must continually taste to see how much of the devil still inhabits your food. And remember, it is divine to share.

You must always keep in mind that all food isn't possessed. If you find that you have eaten something "deviled" there is always the "angel" food cake to balance things out.

But be prepared. There may be a mighty battle in your belly as good and evil slug it out for supremacy!

Cheated

Dear Jimmy-do,

I found out my child was cheating on a test. I was called by the school and have to attend a meeting to see whether my child can be reinstated in his class. Jim if you were in my position, what would you do?

Sincerely,
Cheated out of an evening home!

Dear cheated,

What I would recommend is that you take a proactive step. I would drag your child into the teacher’s room immediately and demand that your child pay for the answers they stole. It is important to have the child understand that stealing is wrong. Your child will be able to feel good about himself or herself knowing that paying for something gives them the pride of ownership.

Besides, the teacher could probably use the money.