Devil's in the delectables

Dear Jimmy-do,

During the holidays I ate my fill of "deviled eggs", "deviled ham", "devil's food cake", and "deviled crab". Holy hell! How can I protect myself, and what should I do if I eat these foul foods?

Sincerely,
Possessed by my appetite!

Dear Possessed,

You can tell immediately if a food is deviled by the sulfur and brimstone aftertaste. If you discern these tastes, it may be a good idea to stop eating, because that smell is only going to get worse after a day or two in the belly. Oofdah! JimmyDo's eyes are watering just thinking about it.

It is important that if you plan on eating "deviled" food, you should hire yourself a certified food exorcist. A properly trained food exorcist can perform the necessary ritual to excise the "devil" from the food. You must be prepared to share your food, because the exorcist must continually taste to see how much of the devil still inhabits your food. And remember, it is divine to share.

You must always keep in mind that all food isn't possessed. If you find that you have eaten something "deviled" there is always the "angel" food cake to balance things out.

But be prepared. There may be a mighty battle in your belly as good and evil slug it out for supremacy!