Seeking sanity

Dear Jimmydo,

How do you inform someone that they’re not cut out for a job that they have without making them feel bad?

I have a hard time saying “no” to people and find that I am overwhelmed most of the time because of it. How can I become more assertive in my communication so that I save myself from insanity?

Desperately seeking sanity

Dear seeking sanity,

JimmyDo recommends that you find a posture that makes you look as comfortable as possible. Tell them this sentence verbatim: "JimmyDo says that you are not cut out for this job. I agree with JimmyDo. Oh by the way, do you want a tissue?" Then leave.

The confusion that will ensue will keep the anger from reaching you for a while. Because you were able to make someone else responsible, they will have no idea where to focus their rage. Who has ever heard of JimmyDo?!

Party

Dear JimmyDo,

During Spring Break I flew in a plane to my destination. On the seats next to me was a mother with an infant. The infant screamed the whole flight. When we got in I wanted to get my hearing checked because I think I suffered hearing loss from the screams.

JimmyDo remembers a wise person once said"And a little child shall lead them". JimmyDo says TAKE NOTES, YOU MORON. JimmyDo is SO SORRY about your poor little ears. When you get to your destination you will be exposed to loud music and screaming crowds that will make that baby next to you, sound like it is whispering. You will be ingesting copious amounts of alcohol and all your "animal" instincts will be tingling.

JimmyDo says, watch the baby. The baby is crying because it wants. It is demanding to have its desires met. Maybe when you reach your destination, you too can be crying like a baby and get your desires filled as well..

Mister Rogers confused me

Dear JimmyDo,

As a small child I watched Mister Rogers Neighborhood to understand how the world works. I find myself confused because it seems like the world isn't as he portrayed it. Could you please help me understand my confusion?

Sincerely,

Rogers...over and out!

Dear Rogers...over and out!

Yes, JimmyDo can explain this very simply. Mr. Rogers got to his "home" where he took off his coat and put on his comfortable sweater. He also took off his work shoes and put on his trademark comfortable bumper tennis shoes.

Here is where the confusion comes in. Mr. Rogers, "pretended" to be at home, when he showed up for work. His work was to teach boys and girls about life.

Where JimmyDo is confused is that he put on home clothes when he was going to work. And was entering his "home" he was really at work. Then where was he coming FROM? Home? If I have this straight, Mr. Rogers would arrive at work from home wearing his work clothes, and arriving at work, change into his "home clothes" to do his show.

I feel your confusion!

I want to be an Idol

Dear JimmyDo,

All my life I have wanted to be an idol. I watch American Idol, and imagine myself cheered on by my fans. I want to be worshipped and admired by my adoring public. What can I do to at least somewhat realize my dream?

Sincerely

iWanital

Dear iWanital,

What would ever possess you to want this? JimmyDo wonders what would possess anyone to want to be an idol. JimmyDo listens to his iPod, he writes documents in iWork. I think you want to be an iDull. These people are not worshipped for their brains, or the witty things they say. They are worshipped for their looks.

JimmyDo remembers the saying "Beauty is skin deep, but ugly is to the bone!" As JimmyDo gets older, he is realizing that beauty fades. What happens to these iDulls? They are photographed at the beach with large cellulite-infested rear ends, bellies and "man-boobs"...whatever those are. They are photographed in their underwear, and sometimes when they are getting out of cars when they have forgotten to wear underwear.

JimmyDo has a suggestion. If you want to be worshipped, get a dog, and drape raw bacon strips over your body as you walk around the house. JimmyDo says "watch out where you step so you avoid the slobber on the floor.  If you don't feel worshipped after that experience, your dog may have brain damage.

If it helps, JimmyDo will call you an American iDull.

Adventures in eating

Dear JimmyDo,

My teenager was at a restaurant the other day and not only did he eat his meal, but apparently he ate the meal of someone who paid for and left a considerable amount of food on the table next to him. When my son got up to leave, he paid for his meal and was informed that he was being charged for the meal he ate on the other table. Can the manager do that, and what can my teen do about it?

Sincerely, 

Eating off my own plate!

Dear Eating off my own plate!

It sounds like your teenager was doing what many teenagers do, graze. This behavior involves roaming from refrigerator to cupboards and back again to the refrigerator in search of eatables. 

It sounds like your son's error was thinking that public places are grazing centers as well, and started grazing at the local restaurant. JIMMYDO thinks that the problem comes in when the store manager charged him for the food he ate. If the person sitting at the next table had paid for the meal that wasn't eaten, then JIMMYDO thinks it stands to reason that the charge was for something else. 

I think your son may have been charged for grazing. If grazing wasn't a item on the menu, JIMMYDO wonders how the amount was arrived at.

Here is JIMMYDO's advice. I think your son should go back to the restaurant and when the wait staff comes to take his order, he should order the Grazer. When the waiter/waitress looks puzzled, he should recommend that they should check with management, because even though it is not on the menu, it apparently is something that they charge for. While the waiter/waitress goes to check, I think your son should wander the other tables and eat the things that look good to him. If your son is nervous about interrupting paying customers, he could wait and watch the patrons and when one party is getting ready to go, your son could hover to catch all the left overs.

Who knows? Maybe the management will decide that this is a new profitable item to add to the menu, and offer it to all. And JIMMYDO would caution your son to only pay the price of the grazing charge he was charged last time. After all, if he is waiting until parties are done with their food, the restaurant pays someone to scrape plates, and JIMMYDO could argue that your son is easing their burden in that area.

Study troubles

Dear JimmyDo,

I am taking an exam tomorrow of which I am not prepared. I have pages and pages of notes and reading to do, but I just can't get off the Wii. What can I do?
Sincerely,

Wii have a problem

Dear problem,

First of all don't say Wii. Only U have a problem. And it is only a issue if you are hoping to graduate school. This is not an issue if your goal is to become a video game god. I'm sure video game gods, work on their craft in a sleep deprived state, and there is no homework.

Life is filled with choices. JimmyDo says "be a graduate, be a god, or just be gone." 

Texting troubles

Dear JimmyDo,

I have a teen that is texting all the time. In fact she interrupts our conversations to send a text back and I feel ignored. I don't know how to create and send a text. Is there any way to verbally communicate with my daughter or have our vocal relational days come to an end?

COL (Crying out loud)

Dear COL,

You have raised a dilemma for all parents. Texting mania has taken hold of your teenagers and there seems no end in sight! JimmyDo says "If you can't beat them, join them!"

Your texting skills are lacking but acronyms are not only for cell phones. I recommend that you get what we will call a "texting" pad. This is a pad of paper, yellow, legal, stenograph pad; it doesn't matter. Get a nice black marker, one that will show up from across the room. That should do it.

Get ready to text back! When your child isn't listening, because her thumbs are blistering the cell phone key pad, simply write your own text message. It is easy and JimmyDo will show you how!

Here are some acronyms that your child is most likely texting: LOL=Laugh out loud. OMG=Oh my god! THX=Thanks. There are many more. You may want to do some research, but better yet, make up your own text messages.

Here are some ideas for you to get started. TOTTP=Take out the trash, please. BPITW= best parent in the world. SSBYG=so sorry but your grounded. HUNOICYCPS=Hang up now or I cancel your cell phone service!

There is no end to the acronyms you can make up. Your daughter will laugh WITH you as you both relate at a more cellular level. She may start laughing AT you, until you make up acronyms about what she is going to lose if she doesn't comply. Then she will be desperate to understand.